im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
