i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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