This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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