I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
