that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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