we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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