So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
