u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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