I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
