if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
