forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
