Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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