all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just invented taco cereal.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
