i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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