she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
