Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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