what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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