i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
