I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
