it wasn't lemon gatorade
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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