Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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