thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
