It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
