Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
