OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
