i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
