Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
