I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
