so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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