I accidentally had phone sex last night
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
