"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
