She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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