i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
