I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
