IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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