Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
