there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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