also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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