Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
