This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
