i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
