I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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