hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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