U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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