Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
