as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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