we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
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