she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
