I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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