You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
