It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
