omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
