I think my fart just growled at me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
