so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
