it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
