You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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