I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
