Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
