I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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