I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
