I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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