I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
