The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
