i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
