new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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