...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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