Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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