I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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