I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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