Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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