Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
