I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
