Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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