I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize