I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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