my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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