my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think your dad took our porno
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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