i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
