My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Porn is love you can see.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
