there's paper in my vomit.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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