My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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