I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
